Intentional living, a manual

When I started blogging as a teenager, I mainly looked up to Dutch boys like Ronald 'Nalden' Hans and Alexander Klöpping. One of them, Ernst-Jan Pfauth, wrote a booklet that You Will Be Blogging hot and made me realize in 10,000 words that my online home could be more than a collection of separate pieces.

Ernst and I have had a very similar course, because after we both started our blogs quite early, we got opportunities and later a job in the mainstream media. There, we both thought it was too slow, after which we started our own company in our twenties. In between, at a house party, he also gave me a life-changing push to join the BKB Academy. “Thomas is a Belgian soul mate,” Ernst had written when announcing an article that I could write on De Correspondent, his “journalistic platform against the issues of the day”. That is a very nice compliment — although there is a big difference between Ernst and I: he is a lot more restless.

Sounds crazy from an ADHD person's mouth, but I'm talking about another anxiety. After all, Ernst is constantly looking for ways to do things better. Work, relationships, sports, reading... life, quoi. “He is fascinated by the malleability of humans and the idea that we can become a better version of ourselves through reading,” someone once wrote when Ernst read and analyzed more than 100 self-help books for De Correspondent.

These are often books with tips that all sound very nice in theory, but in reality you can't keep up to three days. “Get up before dawn and don't look at your smartphone for the first hour”, “drink three liters of water every day”, “read at least four books a week”... Well-intentioned, but ain't nobody got time for that.

What is satisfying?

Ernst realized that too, because despite all the books he read and conversations with experts he had, he remained uneasy. Until, little by little, he worked out a foothold for himself. Over the past few years, I've seen it emerge in his articles, newsletter, Notion templates... The concept of “intentional living” took shape.

According to Ernst, intentional living is consciously choosing things that give you satisfaction. “By living intentionally, I spend more time doing activities that really make me happy,” it sounds. For example, somewhere in the book's introduction, he says: 'I often have the peace to enjoy a moment without thinking how to make that experience pay off with likes and views from people I barely know. '

Speaking from a mirror.

Seven simple habits

Ernst sees the things we can pay attention to as “lucky makers” and “lucky crackers”. The first are the things that really matter; the second is what may seem to bring us happiness for a short time, but which cannot give us profound satisfaction. By focusing on those lucky makers, you can live intentionally.

What's more: by changing your habits, you can create a flywheel effect that makes you happier and happier. Ernst talks about changing seven simple habits that can thus be a lever:

1. Embrace procrastination to move forward. What are you procrastinating but would make a big difference if you just started now?
2. Find joy in failure. How can you shift your focus from performance to learning?
3. Find inner peace outside yourself. What can you do for someone else today?
4. Dare to experience the sweetness of gratitude. What are you thankful for, and why?
5. Get control of your time. What financial savings can you make to have more control over your time?
6. Choose what to let go of. What can you say “no” to before an important “yes”?
7. Define your values. When was the last time you found out what values are important to you?

It may sound like a floating one bullshitty, isn't it. “The good thing is that he just writes normally, hey, he's a really cool dude,” said one of my colleagues who started reading the book after me. 10/10 good review. Each chapter starts with describing why something is important and ends with a number of concrete tips for getting started.

For example, many self-help books say that you should mainly find peace in yourself — after which people flock to Bali or start thinking very individualistically — while Ernst just turns it around. He also explains how you can find out for yourself what you actually stand for, and how to write that down in concrete terms.

One of the lessons in the book, for example, is this: “When you see freedom as the end goal, it always feels meaningless. Because freedom in itself is nothing. Only when you see freedom as a tool that you can use for something you find important can you experience meaning. '

What sticks

I finished reading the book in one go. Ernst knows how to write smoothly, and because he is a knowledge sponge who wants to tell so much, everything has been stripped down to the essentials. In that regard, it feels like Grip, Rick Pastoor's book that made you work smarter and changed my life. Not because I took over everything indiscriminately, but by experimenting and thus permanently implementing a few tips.

It is still too early to know if Intentional living will also have such an impact, although just under a week after reading it, there are a few sentences that stick:

“To experience meaning and happiness, you must strive for dependence rather than independence. Towards commitments instead of non-commitment. And for shared joy instead of personal happiness. '

“Smart use of money is crucial for an intentional life. It helps you resist distractions and enables you to make independent choices. '

“We tell ourselves that work gives life meaning, and we do that to distract ourselves from our insecurities, fears, and doubts about the true meaning of life.”

'I always outsource annoying obligations to my future self without any effort. That's why I'm always trying to think: if this appointment were tonight, am I in the mood? '

I already applied the latter to reality when I received two questions this week to give a lecture and sit in a panel discussion sometime in a few months. In both cases, it was an event for a target group that wasn't necessarily mine, by an organization that was low on a budget, and I would have to sacrifice an evening that I could also have spent with family or friends. Where I would have quickly said 'yes' in the past because 'I don't really have plans in May', I now reasoned like Ernst would do. For example, the book — and the accompanying templates in Notion — are full of tips that will help me consciously choose things that give me satisfaction. As Ernst himself writes: small steps, big difference.

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